我的继坶我的性老师

Judges: Ulf/\'Steve\' Auctifer, Oditr, Titania, Mint

Criteria: Looks, Not-sand features, Structurally Sound, Creativity, Looks

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Everyone was staring gobsmacked at the final sand sculpture on display. The judges. The contestants. Most of the other people around. The only ones that weren\'t surprised were Kress and Blue, alongside Thyme who had seen this before already. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!" shouted Auctifer. "Was the team behind this playing by different rules or something! Just… HOW! I mean, where di the coloured sand come from? How did they have enough time to do all this!

"Sure the previous sculpture was impressive. The five trees all looked very nice… but all together they were MAYBE twice the size of that castle at the back… and that\'s just the castle at the damn back! What are all of these houses! How did they have time to do the roads! Is that more shit in the ravine over there? I don\'t know and I don\'t understand!" 

Thyme smiled and said, "I can take everyone away again so that the team can answer those questions if you want," 

"No, I don\'t want \'the team\' answering those question," sneered Auctifer. "I want YOU to answer those questions. I want to know how this is even possible!" 

Thyme nodded and said, "I can explain how the team managed this, either simply, or with a more detailed explanation. Which do you desire?" 

"Both?" said Auctifer after a moment. The elf king paused for a few further moments before nodding, "Yes. I want both please. This is ridiculous! Honestly, I don\'t know how anyone else can win," 

*That\'s a bit rude. I still think those trees can compete with us, and because of the strange scoring system in place we might not necessarily get the win. It\'s perfectly plausible for it to be close. That being said… I can\'t help but feel a bunch of pride at that sort of reaction. I\'m very pleased with myself.*

Thyme nodded as Auctifer was saying this and answered with. "Timmy." Everyone glared at Thyme for a few moments before Thyme shrugged and continued, "Timmy really is the short answer to all of those questions. Unlike the other teams, who just had Timmy help with the smaller things that their Timmys were unlikely to screw up, the team behind this particular piece of art found out what Timmy could do and then abused that to the fullest. 

"Allow me to explain. The first thing they did, was order Timmy to go and find some colourful sand. Gave the little guy a time limit of five minutes, just get as much colourful sand as they could, focusing on gathering different colours. They even specifically allowed the use of magic, and marked a spot outside of the marked area to leave the sand. While Timmy was off doing that they started planning.

"Once they saw all the colourful sand, they confirmed their decision to make a town. They tasked Timmy with getting more colourful sand while one worked on a sand mix for the castle and the other tried to work out a way to easily copy all these houses. Then they swapped off, and one carved out the castle. They used a massive bucket that Timmy flipped over for them and started carving things out. 

"I\'m sure you can sort of guess how things went from there. They had Timmy summon up some small trees, and got the little guy to do a lot of the drudge work. Copying patterns, putting down houses it marked out areas. Making the road look like it was made out of stones. Anything that Timmy could do quicker then they could? They had Timmy do. It was all planned around maximising the use of Timmy," 

Auctifer glared back at Thyme and said. "Surely the others could\'ve worked out that Timmy could do more, right?" 

Thyme just shrugged and explained, "Perhaps but most teams really didn\'t use their Timmys much. They assumed, poorly, what things Timmy could do, and couldn\'t do while mostly ignoring the truth. The previous sculpture had Timmy working on the rope bridges… but the thing was, they didn\'t take into account that Timmy is still rather tiny. So they had to fix up areas where Timmy climbed up the trees, and thus treated their Timmy like they couldn\'t be trusted with other jobs. 

"For the current team, when they wanted say… the castle to have the stonework done? They told Timmy what to do… then carried Timmy in their arms and moved the little guy around so Timmy could always reach. It was both faster, and impossible for Timmy to mess up the castle this way. They used the trick in a few other places as well, but that was the big one. The castle and its walls," 

While this was going on, Oditr had just walked over and examined everything for a bit before coming back. "Right, I can see that you\'re going to be weird about this Aucty, but I\'m curious to see how well it stands up to the destruction tests. It could go really well… or really badly. I honestly have no idea, and that\'s quite exciting. There\'s so much god damn SAND here. Even if we kept shaking it until everything collapsed, the mixed colours of it all might still look good. I can\'t even guess, and that\'s wonderful," 

Auctifer glared down at Oditr but said nothing… mostly because Steve jumped in. "We\'re all rather old. I\'m sure you\'ve seen more surprising things in your time, don\'t make a big deal about it this time," 

Auctifer let out a huff, "Like you\'re one to talk. I don\'t see many grey hairs except specifically on YOUR head. I\'m clearly still in the prime of my life," 

Steve rolled his eyes and said, "If you\'d rather I call you boy and spank you for talking nonsense I can do that too," Steve paused as his eyes widened in horror as Auctifer looked back with an evil grin. "Don\'t you say it, you elvish fool. I realise you\'d probably enjoy that \'punishment\' so I\'ll need to think of something else. Perhaps I\'ll put you in a corner," 

"Well as long as it isn\'t a closet I suppose I can live with that," said Auctifer with a grin. 

"Will you two just fuck already?" said Titania from the side. 

"I\'m in a committed relationship with my wife," said Steve. 

"Ya wife\'s dead," said Titania with a glare, and all the subtly of a brick. "Maybe you\'d be happier if you actually chose to live a little. Maybe find someone else?" 

"I\'m perfectly aware of that," said Steve with a sigh. "I\'m not so foolish as to think she\'s still around but there will be no other woman for me. She was my other half, and I doubt I\'ll ever find someone that fits me so well ever again," 

"It\'s not like you loved her when you married," said Titania.

"You don\'t know that, you weren\'t around for it," retorted \'Steve\' apparently no longer bothering to obfuscate the fact he was Ulf from the people who hadn\'t worked it out yet. "Perhaps I loved her despite our initial difficulties," 

"We\'ve ALL SCENE THE PLAY!" retorted Titania. "We don\'t NEED to have been there for your initial courtship. It\'s been retold over and over and over again," 

Ulf shrugged, "Details change over time perhaps this is one of them," 

Titania rolled her eyes and went to retort again when Oditr jumped in. "Look, the guy doesn\'t need a wife, or a husband or whatever you feel the need to suggest. He seemed happy last time I visited that little farm of his. He\'s content with things. Don\'t push him into something that\'s likely to just get him hurt," 

"Oh like you\'re one to talk," said Auctifer. "It\'s not like you\'ve been sorting out your own marriage prospects. I\'m sure your parents would like some grandkids to spoil at some point," 

"Yeah well they\'ll be waiting a bloody long time," said Oditr firmly. "I just don\'t have any interest in that sort of thing. Maybe, MABYE, if someone can give me a good reason I\'ll carry an heir and do my duty, but I\'m certainly not marrying anyone. I\'m much too busy for love anyway. Besides, I wouldn\'t want to have so many broken hearts working for me," 

"I find time to for all my loves!" insisted Auctifer. "I may not be with them all constantly, but I make time for them all… and the fact that I know a spell that can clone myself and have the memories inserted into my mind when it dispels is a big part of that," 

"I just fuck people and then move on. If they interest me enough maybe I\'ll swing by a second time, but love has left me I think," said Titania, pretending to be terribly sad about the current state of affairs, but was more than likely trying to stop things escalating. Oditr and Auctifer looked like they were about to throw down. 

"Then again… you\'re a bit of a pipsqueak aren\'t you? Even for a dwarf. So I suppose there\'s not much of you to love," sneered Auctifer. 

Oditr didn\'t rise to the bait she just looked down her nose at him… well the best she could. She was much shorter than him after all. "Surely that\'s not the best you can come up with? You\'ve had decades on me… perhaps you\'re not getting grey hairs because you\'re brain is taking all the damage!"