我的继坶我的性老师

A small part of Lily, a very, very small part, would admit that it helped her get through the entire day of questions.

Even still, by the time it came to dinner Lily couldn\'t help but be annoyed. There wasn\'t a clear answer. It would still come down to her choice in the end… which sounded great but she was being torn in two, agonising over the choice.

The books called to her on a visceral level. Regardless of their actual value or if they were truly the best option, just the fact it was a collection of books made them so dreadfully tempting that it skewed the rest of her calculations massively. It was so hard to resist… that it was only counteracted by Lily\'s feelings of inadequacy.

No matter how much she tried to chase them away, the idea that she wasn\'t good enough for one reason or another seemed to stick to her like a particularly persistent fly. Even with all of her counters to the feeling, like the fact that Kat wouldn\'t abandon her, that their bond made it impossible, or that Kat wasn\'t Stella.

Not even the things she was good at like stealth and research helped chase the feeling away completely.

Those feelings compelled her to take the notes. To reach out for as much quick power as she could and rely on her connection to Kat to eventually push her to Rank 3 in truth and likely higher sooner rather then later. It was such an odd mix of thinking she needed more power to be useful, yet that she wasn\'t accomplished enough to reach Rank 3 without Kat\'s help.

Of course, Kat always chimed in mentally and started to embarrass Lily into submission once those thoughts got too numerous, so it wasn\'t like Lily was dwelling on them… but the whole situation was starting to annoy Lily.

The thoughts of inadequacy she\'d manage to mostly burry were rearing their head and even with Kat\'s work the fact they were coming back at all was still managing to grate on Lily\'s nerves.

Dinner mostly consisted of Lily attacking her food like it had personally offended her while her girlfriend messed around with her hair. A big upside was that Lily couldn\'t help but appreciate Kat more for the moment. There was no words, not even over their mental connection. Kat wasn\'t poking or prodding at the issue, and she hadn\'t just sent Lily into a purring mess to distract her.

Kat seemed to be slowly leaching out her aggression through her scalp. An odd choice but not a bad one. Lily did wonder if Kat was making use of her calming field once or twice, but the slight feeling of \'denial\' from Kat whenever that thought floated around seemed to suggest there was nothing mystical going on. Kat was just that good.

When dinner was finished Kat just quietly scooped Lily up into a princess carry and took them both upstairs, saying goodbye to the others they\'d been eating with. They all waved them off with various looks on their faces. Marigold of course, leered while wiggling her eyebrows, but that was to be expected.

Kat waited until they were both back in their room, and settled on the bed. Kat had shifted the pillows so that she was leaning up against the headboard while Lily rested on Kat\'s chest. Kat let a few minutes pass before finally asking, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don\'t know Kat. I guess the fact that I\'m already talking means that yes I want to talk about it… but I feel like I might just work myself up again if I really let loose. You\'ve done a wonderful job calming me down and I don\'t want to ruin that," mumbled Lily.

"I don\'t mind," answered Kat with a smirk. "I\'ll happily calm you down again and again if that\'s what you need. Heck, I\'ll sing you lullabies and dance naked if you think it would help. This is nothing, and after doing fan katas all day I could use the break,"

Lily ignored the heat in her face as she let out a long sigh. "Yeah but I don\'t want to ruin your work…"

"Bah, don\'t even worry about it. To consider something this pleasant work is a massive disservice… or do you think I don\'t enjoy this for some reason? Perhaps if I wasn\'t a demon having all of your weight on my tits could be a problem, but it\'s not. Then there\'s your hair. It feels great and I could spend all day running my hands through it if we had time.

Alas, there are other things to do," answered Kat.

Lily snickered, "Ah yes, that\'s what I get for having an asexual girlfriend. When I say she can\'t keep my hands off me, I just mean that she can\'t stop playing with my hair." Lily paused. A second passed. Then two. "Oh god I really said that didn\'t I…"

"It seems like spending a day in Marigold\'s company has done your confidence some good," said Kat as she tried to hold back her own laughter. Kat didn\'t want to laugh too hard with Lily resting on top of her like this.

"Urgh… I can\'t believe she\'s corrupted me that much! I mean it was just a day, and I spent like… half of it talking to you mentally. Mostly because I kept spiralling, but urgh… she embarrasses me all day and suddenly her humour has infected me. I don\'t know how to feel," grumbled Lily.

Kat mercilessly supressed her original comeback of \'You feel like you\'re avoiding the question to me\'. Kat hoped she was fast enough that it didn\'t get sent of mentally either. Instead Kat answered with, "Now you know what it was like spending time with Sue at first,"

"That doesn\'t count! I met her as well so it\'s really not the same," retorted Lily.

"Then shouldn\'t you be used to this kind of nonsense then?" asked Kat.

"I guess… but Marigold just… I guess if Sue embodies the gross adage \'every hole is a goal\' but in reverse, then Marigold probably embodies \'Anything can be a dildo if you\'re not a fucking coward\'. Honestly I feel sort of gross even saying it… but they just… they end up with very different takes on sexual jokes even if they both make way too many of them," grumbled Lily.

Kat took a moment to acknowledge how scarily accurate Lily\'s statement was… on top of fighting off the shivers that came from realising that fact. Kat decided she\'d also really rather not continue that line of thinking… so perhaps it was time to poke Lily about the issue. "Right so… to completely change the subject. The books or the papers?"

"Urgh, the books or the papers. I want the books. I think I\'m going to take the books. Almost everything I am screams at me to take the books. The problem I have, is that I don\'t want to just take the books because emotionally I feel like I should. Especially when I\'m not on a downward spiral of self-pity.

"But it\'s not like my \'self-pity\' train is completely without merit. The idea of power sooner rather then later is tempting, and if it allows me to help contribute to a complete win when the final round comes? Or even just in a deadly situation before that… then they could be very worth it…" said Lily trailing off at the end.

"Well first off. I imagine if we win your prize will be space magic, probably a space magic grimoire personally curated by Thyme. So keep that in mind. Next, I\'m plenty strong enough for the both of us.

Perhaps if we had more pressure or D.E.M.O.N.S wasn\'t so powerful the risk of getting overrun by something more powerful then us would be a greater concern… but D.E.M.O.N.S matches demons and clients pretty well for the most part. So I doubt it\'ll actually be a problem.

"I wasn\'t going to say anything because this is important to your future development not mine… but it\'s clearly causing you a lot of stress so at this point I\'m going to put my foot down. Get the damn books. If they\'re no good? I\'m sure I can use some of my demon currency to buy you something better. I doubt it\'ll be a problem but it\'s something I CAN do.

Now stop stressing over it and go with your heart," stated Kat firmly.

Lily let out a light chuckle. "Ah, why did I waste so much time asking everyone else when I have my own personal oracle right here?"